Disruptions can be challenging for children and they may react in different ways. Many children will go along with the routines when the parents are gone but may be quieter or want more attention. If the caregiver tells you that they didn’t even notice the parents gone, it is likely not true. Your child’s reaction on return will be a tell-tale sign of how much they missed you. Children may be affectionate, or not, may be extra clingy or ignore you yet be aware of you leaving the room. You should be aware that being away from their primary caregivers will create some stress for the child and a need to reconnect on your return. This is what I would refer to as a ‘security hiccup’. Not an attachment problem, but a hiccup in your child’s secure attachment. All children will experience this at some point. Even in families who co-sleep, homeschool, and babywear can have challenges at times such as when siblings are born.

The good news is that security hiccups (as well as rarer serious attachment problems) can be remedied!

Here are some tips for preparing for disruptions and for fixing any residual effects.

Preparing for leaving:

• Ideally arrange for your child to be in a familiar place with familiar people who love them. Staying at home with her regular nanny or grandparents will offer increased security.
• If your child cannot stay at home then do what you can to replicate their standard environment as much as possible.
• Caregivers who are calm and relaxed will send the message to your child that he/she is safe and all is well. You might want to think about what you can do to help the babysitter get to this place before you leave. When my children were younger and in need of a babysitter for extended periods, we would load the freezer up with easy to prepare fun foods. This tended to put both the caregiver and the children in a good mood.
• Leave a piece of you behind. Create a shrine of yourself off in a corner where you can place a special clothing item that smells like you, maybe a fuzzy sweater, scarf or blanket, preferably unwashed. Tape a picture of Mom and Dad up on the wall (a life size head shot is helpful for younger children such as an 8 x 10 photo). You can also include a special story book or two. The book can be a story of when someone went away and came back or a homemade story of how things will be unrolling over the next few weeks; consider using photographs.

Preparing your child:

• Have some bonding cuddle time in your special corner before you leave.
• Bonding cuddles recipe:
  • Calm Parent (one of 2 primary caregivers)
  • Cuddling together (loving touch)
  • Eye contact (gaze into your child’s eyes lovingly)
  • Sucking (If your child is sucking on something, a breast, bottle, pacifier or other object this can be a powerful tool to help your child feel secure, even for an older child)
  • Finger plays and giggles (optional)
• Read the book together to prepare your child for the upcoming event. Make sure that you are calm, relaxed and positive as you do.

While you are gone:

• Your child may find comfort in going to the special corner with or without the caregiver. They should be allowed to go on their own terms if they feel a need for that comfort.
• Maintaining rituals and routines. Keeping regular naps and bedtime as well as bedtime rituals is important. Continuing to go to preschool, playgroup and other regular activities will provide normalcy that many children thrive on.

When you return:

• The first 30 minutes (at least) after getting home should be focused on connecting with your child. You may be surprised at their reaction; they may not warm up to you right away. You can sit on the floor and be available and wait for them to come to you. They will need to learn to trust that you will be there for them again.
• Try to give them unlimited access to you until they are feeling secure.
• Offer bonding cuddles in your special corner. Your child may bring you to the corner when they want to reconnect in that way.
• If sleep is off track, it is important focus on reconnecting before addressing any sleep challenges.

If your child has a security hiccup for whatever reason, it’s common to see sleep disruptions at the same time. Children can wake in the night because they want to connect with Mom or Dad. Focusing on your child and having special cuddle time during the day can help your child feel safe, secure, and connected and within a few days they’ll return to their prior sleep habits.

copyright©2013 Andrea Strang Kinder Sleep www.HowToGetKidsToSleep.com

With the sun staying out later, less structured routines and holiday fun,  sleep and routines often    get off track in the summertime. Now that Fall and school are around the corner it may be time to get back on track. Here are a few tips:

Re-establish daytime and bedtime routines and family rules. This may be met with some resistance but it’s an important part of getting back into the swing of things.

Ease into the earlier bedtime. If you have some flexibility, start putting your child to bed 15 minutes earlier every night or two. Make sure the bedroom is nice and dark to block out the light at bedtime and in the morning.

Getting back to sleep. If your child’s sleep has gotten off track or the sleeping arrangements have changed due to travel or visitors, it may be necessary to implement a sleep coaching plan. If you used one previously you can try the same method again if your child’s age or circumstances haven’t changed too drastically. If you child is over 18 months old you might want to try Kim West’s  Sleep Shuffle Method Highlighted in her book ‘Good Night Sleep Tight’

If you are not sure what approach to take note our workshops and tradeshows listed below or consider a full or 15 minute consult with Certified Sleep Consultants, Andrea Strang, Tracy Spackman or Heather Irvine.

Time to move your clocks back one hour.

Here are some tips to smooth the transition. There are 3 basic ways of transitioning into the new time. Use one or a combination of these methods and your child’s sleep schedule should be back on track in a few days to a week.

Tip 1 – Cold Turkey: When the time changes, switch to the new time right away. Also switch meals, activities, and naps to the new time. Wake up times may be a bit off for a few days but they will adjust. Don’t start the day before 6am. If your child is fairly easy going, adjustment should be quick and painless with this method.

Tip 2 – Work up to it: This is helpful for children that may be more sensitive to being overtired, to changes in schedules, or who tend to wake up early. Start 4 days before the time change by moving bedtime and wake up time 15 minutes later each day. You can take an even slower approach if you want to.  At the new wake up time, make a big deal about morning, turn the lights on and expose your child to the outdoor light as much as possible.

Tip 3 – Fix it after: Wait until the day of the time change and adjust the child’s schedule over the following days. This method is good for children that tend to get over-tired, however it can make for some early mornings and can take longer. Most of us will naturally adjust to the new time within a week.

Join the discussion!
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Andrea Strang
Certified Gentle Sleep Coach and Child Sleep Consultant
www.HowToGetKidsToSleep.com

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Simple routine changes can help with anxieties, parent attitudes and grounding exercises.

The family can spend more time in the child’s room during the day playing and doing routine tasks. Some families spend little to no time in the child’s room before they day they decide to start night training in there.

Be relaxed about the child’s anxieties. Try to take a matter-of-fact attitude and calm yourself first before attempting to calm the child. Children can pick up on the parents stress and feel unsafe. If you think this might be an issue at sleep time, try taking 2 deep, cleansing breaths before putting your child in the crib; on the second exhale lay your child gently into the crib.

There are a number of grounding techniques that I use with parents to melt away stress and anxieties. The goal of these activities  is to use simple strategies to calm the child from negative feelings. One activity that I suggest is to calmly take the child around the room and slowly point and name the objects in the room.

Another idea which most parents think sounds a little crazy is to post a life size head shot of  one or more parents in the room. Younger children can relate better if the size is more realistic. Research has been done showing this as helpful for children in dealing with separations, including specific research with children in daycare settings who are giving a picture of Mom to keep in their pockets. The children will take it out and look at it from time to time and be comforted.

I get excited and celebrate every success in this area!

Anyways, I better stop rambling on and get to bed as I was up all night helping a family with a 6 month old with sleep training.

Have a wonderful day!

Andrea

btw, Check out all of my upcoming workshops and free sleep clinics from Kitchener to Orangeville on my home page. I will be adding a new June workshop soon in Brampton and will have a separate event page soon.